We Have A Heart Baby

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18

Complete panic, utter devastation, numbness, and fear filled my whole body as I tried to hold it together. The nurse gave me a hug and said sympathetically, “Your daughter’s heart is broken.” The doctor continued to talk and explain what they had found and what the next steps would be. I caught his words here and there, but I was having trouble paying attention. My mind was full of my own cries to God… “No, no, no, no, please God, no!” Once he finished talking I rushed out into the hall to find Joshua. He was right outside the doors thoroughly washing his hands as you must do each time you enter the NICU.  Tears racing down my face, I could barely get the words out of my mouth, “Something is wrong with Sophie! Something is wrong with her heart!” He asked me what was wrong and I blurted out the bits and pieces I caught from the doctor. We entered the NICU to find a team of doctors and nurses in Sophie’s room preparing her for transportation. The doctor explained the situation to Joshua and said Sophie would be transported within the hour. At this point we were still having difficultly understanding what exactly was wrong, but we knew we needed to let our families know. So, I went out of the NICU and called our families. I can still hear the panic in my mom’s voice as she tells my dad what has happened and see the anguish on my mother-in-law’s face when I tell her the news as she Facetimed me from France.

When I returned to the NICU a cardiologist took us into a room, the room we were supposed to spend our first night in with Sophie before taking her home… We sat there, trying to stay as composed as possible while falling apart from the inside out as she explained to us that Sophie had a severe coarctation (narrowing) in her aorta, which was blocking her heart from pumping an adequate amount of blood to her lower body. First, they we were going to try and open up the Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA) with medicine. If this worked it would allow more blood to flow to her lower body and surgery may be able to wait a week or two so she would be able to grow. (This would be beneficial for her because she would be stronger and for the surgery team because her heart and arteries would be bigger). However, if the medicine didn’t work she would need emergency surgery. The cardiologist continued to explain that Sophie also had two other congenital heart defects; a bicuspid aortic valve and mitral valve stenosis. (We would later find out that a heart with several defects in the aorta is called Shone’s Syndrome or Complex). These problems were mild but would need to be monitored closely throughout her life and could require future surgeries.

As they continued to prepare Sophie for transport, they allowed us back into the room to pray over her and hold her hand. We tried to stand strong for our Sophie and have faith but uncontrollable tears continued to fall from our eyes as we begged God to help our sweet girl. Then they put her in an incubator (isolette) and we walked down to the ambulance. (*Side Note – We went to church once during our time in Eugene and met a lady who had recently started working in the NICU. She was working that day and happened to be the one they asked to walk with us down to the ambulance and bring us back up to the NICU).

We were in complete shock as we watched them pull away with our baby girl. How could this be happening to us? No, this really can’t be happening right now… We tried to compose ourselves long enough to gather our things as quickly as possible from the NICU and my cousin’s house so we could get to Portland (1 1/2 hours away) to be with Sophie. As we drove we tried to talk about what was going on but couldn’t believe it or understand it so we turned on worship music and cried…